HE's leaving. Why bother? He's leaving. It doesnt matter. I will continue to torture myself and see him and love him, even though he is leaving. was i mean he was an aniomal, out of control , a maniac . THE HORROR, If I stay I fear for my life , if I go l do nothing useful. Maybe I could join the circus! That's it! He'll never find me there! I'll fly high above the crowd with the greatest of ease on the highest of trapese. Oh it will be marvelous. Oh joy! Oh happy day, to be so free and oh so gay.